Sunday, February 04, 2007

Watch as thermochronic speeds through the 5 stages of grief after a horrible performance by the Bears in the superbowl.

1. I can't believe the Bears just lost the superbowl, there must be some mistake, this isn't happening! Someone must have paid the refs! The Colts are on steroids! Were those french figure skating refs? Maybe the real game is next week, yeah, this can't be real, must be a dream, I'll wake up soon.

2. What the bleep! The bleeping defense couldn't stop anything, damn them, damn them to hell! And come on, make a fricking tackle! Catch the fricking ball! What, another fumble! Bleeping overpaid donkeys! My rabbit could block better than that! That's it, I am done with these jackasses, done, D-U-N done, I give up on these losers, overpaid crybaby can't tackle losers!

3. OK, come on, I'll trade you, you can let the Cubs not make the playoffs for the next 100 years, let Cal win the big game, let Duke win the NCAA tourney, I don't care, come on, we can make a deal! Here, take my helium lab, I don't care, I'll make you first author on this paper I am writing, you can have my office, let's just go back and end the game 30 seconds into the first quarter. No one will know! We can do this, just a little favor for a friend!

4. I can't believe this, I'll never be able to recover. I think I'll call in sick tomorrow, drink my sorrows away. It is dark outside, like in my soul. Will the sun ever shine again? Not on me it won't. Darkness, sadness, Mazzy Star and Hank Williams, Stan Rogers' First Christmas, that movie "Leaving Las Vegas", Ben Harpers first album..Sniff sniff, how could this happen, and why does this always happen to me !?!? (now picture me with my fists raised up towards the sky cursing the world, then breaking down into a fetal position and crying, just like Jimmy Bakker, in the rain, alone, with people laughing at me, very very sad).

5. It's OK, it's just a game where millionaires run into each other for 60 minutes, and Prince wasn't that bad, and that "Mapasaurus" commercial, that was kind of funny, and hell, it beats picking apatites all day. I can get through this. Next year, Grossman will be better, Urlacher will be back, our defensive line will be healthy.... I'll be OK. March Madness is almost here, things will be OK. It's just a stupid game, right?


Clair said...

So sorry for your loss. But there's a bright side: pitchers and catchers report in eight days. I wouldn't hold my breath over the Cubs, though.

the dza said...

Back to reality with ya. Let go of Grossman now, it'll be easier when you watch Garcia screw it up next year.

Thermochronic said...

Oh man, this is the saddest thing, I can't I still find myself defending him! What the hell is wrong with me? Honestly, talking to my boss today I was BS-ing about how much better Rex will be in his second season as a starter. I also spent much of the day blaming the Bears defense.

kimchi said...

Brother of Dip and I watched the game which prompted an uncharacteristic torrent of profanity from him that I haven't heard since I made similar BLEEPIN' BLEEP! sounds during the Dallas-Seattle playoff game (still bitter). Must curb our football language after we have the sprog...

Thermochronic said...

I think in our youth I prompted some torrents of profanity from Brother of Dip as well, good to know how many things I have in common with the Bears! I think now is the time to develop alternate curse words for use in presence of the coming new one.

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